Important safety notes
You are 20, so this guidance is for an adult. The techniques below are educational and non-graphic. Always respect your privacy and boundaries. If you have pain, persistent problems with erection or ejaculation, or feelings of guilt or distress that get in the way of life, consider talking with a doctor, sexual health clinic, or counselor.
1) Prepare a comfortable setting
- Choose a private, relaxed time when you won’t be interrupted. Turn off notifications, close the door.
- Make it physically comfortable: a bed or couch, soft lighting, maybe a towel. Comfortable temperature and loose clothing help.
- Use a water-based lubricant to reduce friction if you want; it makes sensations smoother and reduces irritation.
2) Start gently and build familiarity
- Begin clothed if you feel anxious—touching through fabric helps desensitize before moving to direct contact.
- When you’re ready, expose the penis and explore gently. Note differences in sensation between the shaft and the glans (head).
- Use varied, light touches: stroking, rubbing, or light tapping. The point is to notice what feels good, not to force a particular outcome.
3) Basic hand technique and variation
There is no single "correct" grip; experiment:
- Light grip: encircle the shaft with your fingers and thumb and move slowly up and down. Use less pressure if sensations are too intense.
- Firm grip: increase pressure gradually if you want stronger sensation.
- Change speed and direction: try slow, medium, fast strokes; pause occasionally; vary stroke length. Small changes alter sensation a lot.
- Alternate between focusing on the shaft and the glans (head) because they can feel very different.
4) Breathing, relaxation, and mindfulness
- Slow, steady breathing helps reduce tension and anxiety. Breathe into your belly rather than shallow chest breaths.
- Try to focus on physical sensations rather than performance thoughts. Name sensations mentally (warm, tingling, pressure) to stay present.
5) Sensation mapping and gradual exposure
Spend time learning what feels good without aiming for orgasm every session.
- Map sensitive zones: head, underside of the shaft, base, perineum (area between scrotum and anus). Light external pressure there can add pleasure.
- Practice sessions where you stop before orgasm (see edging below) to learn where you are on the build-up curve.
6) Edging and orgasm control
Edging (the stop-start method) helps you learn control over timing of orgasm and makes sensations clearer.
- Bring yourself near the point of orgasm (the point where you feel you’d ejaculate soon).
- Stop stimulation or reduce intensity until the urge subsides a bit. Wait 20–60 seconds, then resume. Repeat several times.
- This trains you to recognize pre-orgasm cues and can increase stamina and intensity when you do allow orgasm.
If you want a physical technique to delay ejaculation, the squeeze technique can be useful: when you’re very close, press gently but firmly where the head meets the shaft (or the base of the head) for several seconds until the urge drops; then resume. Use caution and stop if it’s painful.
7) Pelvic floor (Kegel) exercises
Strong pelvic floor muscles help both erection stability and ejaculation control.
- To find the muscles, try stopping your urine midstream—those are the pelvic floor muscles. (Don’t make a habit of stopping urine regularly; just use this to identify the muscles.)
- Basic exercise: contract these muscles for 3–5 seconds, then relax for 3–5 seconds. Aim for 10–15 reps per session, three times a day.
- Progress by increasing hold time to 10 seconds and doing multiple sets. Over weeks you should feel improvement in control.
8) Frequency, pacing, and avoiding problems
- Avoid overly aggressive, repetitive friction that can cause chafing or temporarily reduced sensitivity. Use lube if needed.
- A balanced frequency helps you avoid hypersensitivity or numbness. If you feel desensitized, give yourself a few days of lighter stimulation.
- If masturbation or orgasm interferes with daily life, commitments, or relationships, consider reaching out for help (healthcare provider or counselor).
9) Psychological aspects: anxiety, guilt, and privacy
- Feelings of guilt or shame are common due to cultural, religious, or family teachings. Learning accurate sexual education and, if needed, talking with a therapist can help.
- Building comfort often takes time. Start small, be patient, and normalize the learning process.
10) When to seek help
- If you have persistent erectile problems, painful ejaculation, or inability to ejaculate despite repeated attempts, see a primary care doctor or urologist.
- If anxiety or compulsive sexual behavior is present (e.g., interfering with work or relationships), a mental health professional with experience in sexual health can help.
Quick practice plan (first 4 weeks)
- Week 1: Three short sessions (5–10 minutes). Focus on exploring touch and breathing. No pressure to ejaculate.
- Week 2: Continue exploration; add one session practicing slow stroking and mapping sensations. Try one short edging cycle.
- Week 3: Introduce 2–3 edging cycles per session and start pelvic floor exercises daily (3 sets of 10 reps).
- Week 4: Combine edging with longer sessions of mindful focus. Note changes and comfort with orgasm timing.
Final notes
Masturbation is a normal part of sexual development. The goal of these exercises is to increase comfort, learn your body’s signals, and gain more control over orgasm and ejaculation. Move at your own pace, prioritize safety and hygiene, and seek professional support for persistent concerns.
If you want, I can give a short personalized plan based on whether you want to: (a) learn to delay ejaculation, (b) become more comfortable with orgasming, or (c) manage anxiety around masturbation. Tell me which and I’ll tailor the steps.