PDF

Version 1: Big, grumpy rhinos give the gentlest hugs to their tiny babies.

Version 2: Fierce-looking rhinos have warm, squishy hearts and cuddle their baby rhinos.

How I changed the sentence (easy steps):

  1. Swapped 'scary' for friendlier, playful words like 'big, grumpy' or 'fierce-looking' so it sounds fun, not scary.
  2. Used gentle actions like 'give the gentlest hugs' and 'cuddle' to show they are tender parents.
  3. Kept the idea of little ones by saying 'tiny babies' or 'baby rhinos' so it is easy to imagine.

Ask a followup question

Loading...