Original sentence
That night Marie was awaken by some weird squeaking. She sat up and saw the Mouse King right next to her bed. He had a long snout of a mouse, with whiskers sticking out like wires, but he was bigger than ordinary mice and wore a heavy crown on his head.
Step-by-step grammar check
- Subject-verb agreement: "That night Marie was awaken" should be "That night Marie was awakened" or more naturally "That night Marie woke up because of some weird squeaking."
- Word choice: Replace "weird" with a more specific or reader-friendly option like "strange" or keep "weird" for a child-friendly tone.
- Comma usage: After introductory time phrases like "That night," a comma is optional; it's common to include it: "That night, Marie was awakened..." but if you rewrite to a more natural style, you can say "That night Marie woke up because of some strange squeaking."
- Sentence clarity: The sentence about the Mouse King can be split or kept together depending on rhythm. Consider: "That night, Marie woke up because of some strange squeaking. She sat up and saw the Mouse King right next to her bed."
- Consistency and article usage: When describing the Mouse King, you can keep the definite article "the" before "Mouse King" since he is a specific character in the story.
Suggested, corrected version
That night Marie woke up because of some strange squeaking. She sat up and saw the Mouse King right next to her bed. He had a long snout like a mouse, with whiskers sticking out like wires, but he was bigger than ordinary mice and wore a heavy crown on his head.