What to call it when a partner forces sex: sexual assault and consent (21-year-old student)

Learn the terms for non-consensual sex and coercion, why consent matters, and practical steps to seek safety and support if a partner forces sex in relationships.

PDF

What you described is sexual violence. If someone uses force or pressure to have sex after you say no, that is not ok and is usually described as non-consensual sex, sexual assault, or rape depending on the situation and local laws.

Key terms

  • Consent: a clear, enthusiastic, ongoing agreement to engage in sexual activity. It must be freely given and can be withdrawn at any time.
  • Non-consensual sex: sex without consent. If force, threats, or pressure are used, it is non-consensual.
  • Rape: non-consensual sex that involves penetration; law definitions vary by country or state.
  • Sexual assault: a broader term for unwanted sexual contact or activity that is non-consensual.
  • Coercion: pressuring, threatening, or manipulating someone to obtain sex.
  • Dating violence: violence by a partner in a dating relationship, which can include sexual violence.

Why consent matters

Consent is about respecting boundaries. If someone says no, or stops, you must stop. Pressure, threats, or force undermine any possible consent.

What to do if this happened to you or someone you know

  1. Ensure safety: move to a safe place and remove yourself from immediate danger if you can.
  2. Seek support: reach out to a trusted person, or a campus or workplace resource such as an advocate or counselor.
  3. Consider reporting: you can report to police or campus security. You deserve safety and support regardless of whether you choose to report.
  4. Medical care: seek medical attention to address injuries or potential STI exposure and pregnancy concerns. If you think you may want to preserve evidence for a report, avoid showering or changing clothes until advised by a professional.
  5. Document what happened: write down what you recall, and save messages or calls that are relevant.

Where to get help

If you are in the United States, you can contact RAINN at 1-800-656-HOPE or visit rainn.org for confidential support. If you are elsewhere, search for local sexual assault hotlines or emergency services. If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.

Important note

This is not your fault. You deserve to feel safe in your relationships. If you want, tell me your country and I can point you to local resources.

Ask a followup question