Being asexual (often shortened to ace) is a valid sexual orientation. It means you experience little or no sexual attraction to others. It does not define your whole identity or your feelings about relationships.
Can a 13-year-old be asexual?
Yes. People discover and understand their sexual orientation at different ages. There isn't a minimum age to identify as asexual, and it's okay to take your time to understand your feelings.
Common questions and myths
- Myth: Asexual people can’t have romantic relationships. Reality: A person can be ace and still have romantic attraction and romantic relationships; sexual attraction is separate from romance.
- Myth: Being asexual means you’re cold or uninterested in people. Reality: You can care about others and enjoy close friendships and romantic connections; ace refers to sexual attraction, not caring or empathy.
- Myth: Asexuality is just a phase. Reality: For many people it's a stable orientation, though it's common for teens to be exploring and labels may change over time. It's okay to wait to see how you feel.
Other labels you might hear
- Gray-asexual (gray-ace): sometimes feels attraction very rarely or only under certain circumstances.
- Demisexual: feels sexual attraction only after forming a close emotional bond.
- Romantic orientation and sexual orientation are separate. Some ace people are aromantic (not romantically attracted) or have other romantic orientations.
How to explore and what to do next
- Notice what you feel and what you don’t: you might keep a simple journal about when you feel drawn to others in romantic or sexual ways.
- Label is optional: you can wait to see how your feelings change over time.
- Talk to a trusted adult if you want support: a parent, guardian, school counselor, or healthcare provider can help.
- Seek teen-friendly resources and communities that respect privacy and safety.
Tips for talking with others
If you choose to talk about this, be clear that you’re sharing your feelings, not asking others to change who they are. You deserve respect and consent in all conversations and relationships.
If you’re worried or distressed
If your thoughts or feelings are causing distress, consider speaking with a counselor or doctor who is respectful of LGBTQ+ identities. You’re not alone, and help is available.
For reliable information, ask a trusted adult to help you find teen-friendly resources about asexuality and related topics.