Improving Your Persuasive Essay on Savannah, GA

Strengths:

• Excitement and Personal Voice: You have a strong, enthusiastic voice that makes your excitement about the trip very clear. This will likely engage your readers.
• Details About Planned Activities: You provide specific activities that demonstrate a focus on education, like the Ghost and Gravestones Tour and your interest in local history.
• Variety of Focus: You touch on multiple subjects – history, geography, and finance – which adds depth to your essay.

Areas for Improvement:

1. Introduction:

• Clarifying Your Thesis: While you express excitement, a clearer thesis statement could help. Consider something like: “This trip to Savannah will enhance my education by allowing me to explore its rich history, develop my geographical skills, and understand financial aspects of travel.”
• Hook: Try to include a stronger hook at the beginning. Instead of just asking if others have been there, you could share a fun fact or an interesting snippet about Savannah that could intrigue the reader.

2. Structure and Organization:

• Paragraph Structure: Each paragraph should focus on one main idea or aspect of your argument to improve clarity. For instance, have a paragraph dedicated solely to the historical aspect and another for the geographical aspect.
• Transitions: Use transition phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. For example, at the end of paragraphs, summarizing the main point before introducing the next topic can help guide your reader through your essay.

3. Clarity and Style:

• Sentence Structure: Some sentences could be made clearer. For example:
  • Original: “This seems like an exciting place to land and stay.”
  • Suggested: "I believe East River Street is an exciting place to explore and enjoy."
• Word Choice: Be mindful of repetition. Instead of saying “exploring all that Savannah has to offer,” you might say “discovering all the experiences Savannah provides.”

4. Content and Ideas:

• Depth of Analysis: You frequently phrase your reasons for wanting to explore Savannah as personal rather than educational. Try to emphasize the educational goals more clearly:
  • Instead of saying, “I love fun coffees and teas,” consider linking it to cultural exploration.
• Research Aspect: While you mention wanting to learn about historical impacts, including specific examples or questions you’d like to explore can strengthen your argument.

5. Conclusion:

• Consider adding a concluding paragraph that summarizes your points and expresses hope or excitement about the educational benefits of your trip. This can reinforce your persuasive argument effectively.

Actionable Suggestions:

1. Revise the Introduction: Create a strong thesis statement to guide your reader.
2. Reorganize Paragraphs: Ensure each paragraph centers on one topic.
3. Enhance Transitions: Use phrases like “Furthermore,” or “In addition,” to make ideas flow smoothly.
4. Expand on Educational Goals: Be more specific about what you want to learn and how it relates to your future studies.
5. Write a Strong Conclusion: Summarize your main points and express how excited you are for the educational benefits of your trip.

Guiding Questions:

• What specific historical events in Savannah pique your interest?
• How will visiting Savannah influence your school subjects or future studies?
• Can you think of any unique aspects of Savannah’s history that reflect its culture?

Practice Exercises:

• Write a revised introduction that includes a strong thesis statement.
• Create an outline for your essay to help organize your thoughts and ensure clarity.

You’re doing a great job so far! Keep up the enthusiasm, and let’s see how you can adjust your writing to make your persuasive essay even more compelling.