Feedback on Your Writing at Great Wolf Lodge

Strengths:

• Narrative Flow: You've done a great job telling your story! The sequence of events makes it easy to follow what happened throughout your day at Great Wolf Lodge.
• Vivid Descriptions: Your use of descriptive language, particularly in the sections about the waterslides and the lazy river, really helps the reader imagine the fun you had. Phrases like “zoom down it” and “super fast” convey excitement.
• Character Dialogue: Including dialogue between you, Dad, and Vienna adds a lively and personal touch to your story. It makes the characters feel real and relatable.

Areas for Improvement:

1. Grammar and Mechanics:

   • Pronouns and Conjunctions: In the beginning, "Me dad" should be "My dad." Also, use "and" appropriately; you could say "My dad, Vienna, and I went to Great Wolf Lodge..."
   • Punctuation: When quoting someone, make sure to use proper punctuation. For example: "Vienna said, 'Can we please go on the big ropes course?'" Notice the placement of the quotation marks.
   • Capitalization: The word "i" should always be capitalized to "I." It’s a simple fix that makes your writing look more polished.

2. Structure and Organization:

   • Paragraphing: Consider breaking your writing into smaller paragraphs. Each time there's a new idea or event, start a new paragraph. This will help make the story easier to read.
   • Transitions: Use transitional phrases like “After that,” “Later,” or “Then” to help guide the reader through the story. These can help improve the flow.

3. Clarity and Style:

   • Repetitive Phrasing: You used phrases like "going on the sides of the slide" several times. Try to vary your word choice to keep the reader engaged. Instead of repeating, you could say “I felt the rush of the slide as we whipped around the curves.”
   • Concision: Some sentences are long and could be split for clarity. For example, instead of "So we tried it, and then after it we were said, 'that was literally just like 'what the heck, so fast!'" you can simplify: "So we tried it and exclaimed, 'That was so fast!'"

4. Content and Ideas:

   • Detail Development: While you provided a lot of details, consider expanding on your feelings throughout the day. How did you feel going down the slides? Did you feel scared, excited, or happy? This can add depth to your writing.
   • Conclusion: Your ending feels a bit rushed. You could add a few more sentences about what you enjoyed most at Great Wolf Lodge or reflect on why it was a special day for you.

Actionable Suggestions:

• Practice writing shorter paragraphs to improve readability.
• Experiment with different sentence structures to vary your writing style.
• Try to include a few sentences at the beginning or end of your story that capture your overall feelings about the experience.

Guiding Questions:

• What was your favorite part of the day, and why?
• How did the experiences at the lodge make you feel and why?

Keep up the great work, and keep writing! You have a fun story here that many people could enjoy reading. Remember to revise your work, and don't be afraid to explore your emotions and reactions in your writing. Happy writing!