Celebrating Memories Through Kimchi: A Heartfelt Reflection

Strengths

• Evocative Imagery: Your descriptions of the smells, sights, and emotions are powerful. Phrases like “the smell of crushed garlic and piquant pepper” and “the familiar tangy smell tingled my nose” bring the reader into your experience.
• Emotional Depth: You've tackled a sensitive subject with honesty and depth. The contrast between the joyful memories of cooking with your grandma and the sadness of her illness is moving.
• Personal Voice: Your writing has a distinctive voice that feels genuine. The way you refer to your grandma as an artist is a beautiful touch.

Areas for Improvement

Grammar and Mechanics

• Tense Consistency: In some places, the shift between past and present tense can be confusing. For example, “my grandma who had always been living with us” can be simplified to “my grandma who always lived with us.”

  Suggestion: Change to "my grandma who always lived with us."

• Word Choice: The phrase “defenseless against the ravages of Alzheimer’s” is strong but feel a bit formal for a young writer's voice. Consider simpler phrasing.

  Suggestion: You might say, “Alzheimer’s slowly took her memories away.”

Structure and Organization

• Paragraph Transitions: While your writing flows quite nicely, adding a few transition sentences could enhance connectivity between some paragraphs. For example, when shifting from her cooking to your feelings about her illness, a transition could link those ideas better.

  Suggestion: After discussing the smell of garlic, you could say, “But with each delightful smell, I was reminded that things were changing.”

Clarity and Style

• Clarity in Complex Sentences: Some sentences are quite complex, which can make them hard to follow. For example, “But even the prided recipe was defenseless against the ravages of Alzheimer’s that inflicted my grandma’s mind” might be simplified.

  Suggestion: Try rephrasing to, “But even this cherished recipe could not save my grandma from the effects of Alzheimer’s.”

Actionable Suggestions

1. Revisit Tenses: Go through your piece and ensure the tenses remain consistent throughout.
2. Simplify Complex Ideas: When writing about emotions or complex concepts, try breaking them down into simpler sentences to enhance clarity.

Guiding Questions

• What specific memories do you cherish the most about your time with your grandma? Are there any additional details you could include to make those memories even more vivid?
• How did you feel when you realized that cooking together was changing? Can you elaborate on those emotions?

Practice Exercise

To strengthen your description skills, select a memory or a moment of connection that is meaningful to you and write it down, focusing on sensory details—what you saw, heard, felt, and smelled.

Conclusion

Your writing is heartfelt and beautifully crafted. By polishing the areas mentioned above, you can elevate your piece even further. Keep practicing, and don't hesitate to explore those vivid memories. They are a treasure that can resonate with many readers!